Brian Head

Brian Head - whoever came up with such a name...??(well apparently no one knows for sure) but it is definitely a beautiful place and we had a fun (if eventful) Spring Break there with family and friends....we kept talking about taking a group photo but somehow it never happened...

The boys spent their days snowboarding, their late afternoons creating little jumps and rails to practice on behind the house...and their evenings hanging out with all of the "big kids" and apparently throwing popcorn literally everywhere in the basement (it only took one visit to the basement for me to never venture there again...just take a moment to imagine the delicate aroma's and chaos of 7 boys sleeping down there!!)

Everyone seemed to fall hard at some point in the trip (including the dad's) and there were multiple ice packs going round knees and heads and shoulders. Daniel somehow managed to fall face first into his knee and had a couple of teeth come loose....although he spent the week with a very swollen mouth and jaw, he survived and so did his teeth (he didn't allow injury photos)!

The girls spent their afternoons and evenings playing and playing....how fun it is to have so many kids to play with....

They spent their days skiing, spending a couple of days in ski school, which they bitterly moaned about as being totally unnecessary as they are "already know how to do this"

On the third day we decided to let them ski with us and it was a great day.....

well great, until Abbie fell about an hour before we were done....we were in between lifts and hills and so (thinking she had probably just bruised her shoulder) we, as model parents, had her get on the ski lift to the top of one of the runs and then ski across back to the car (it actually was the only way back without calling ski patrol to come and rescue her!!) She held her arm to her side and made it all the way down with me close behind her and then I took her back to the house......As soon as Aidan got back and saw it he knew right away she'd broken her collar bone (Jack recently broke his twice so I guess Aidan is quite the collar bone expert)....we took her down to the Urgent Care and sure enough...big old nasty break....

Thank goodness for pain meds and sisters and cousins and friends....oh and most importantly, bean bags to sleep in:)

Love and Kindness....

Sometimes in life, love and service are just not going to be a two way street. Typically, for me I am totally ok with them being a one-way street....as long as I am on the giving end of that one-way. But I have learned more than I could have imagined over these last couple of weeks simply by being on the receiving end. I have learned how love, kindness and compassion can soothe your soul. 

Two weeks ago I found out that I had lost our little baby girl. I was a little over 17 weeks pregnant and just so glad to have made it to the 'easy' half of pregnancy and we had all the dreams, hopes and conversations that come with having a little girl join our family. We had so many plans and they were all gone in the moment when my doctor couldn't find a heartbeat at a routine appointment.

Such an overwhelming loss and sadness is actually impossible to explain.

Andrew refers to them as our "first responders" those brave people who showed up in those first raw unimaginable days to bring meals and flowers and tender hugs. 

And there were so many days of kindness after kindness, love upon love, texts, meals, treats, gifts, facetime chats with sisters, someone to walk with and a friend to sit with in the temple. So many people said they weren't good at this and wished they knew the right thing to say.... But they were already saying it just by showing up and reaching out.....

At some point you have to climb back into life...maybe part of that is having kids keeping my feet planted firmly on the ground with typical teenage 'discussions' about driving privileges, or minor sibling arguments about actually nothing at all.....And there is comfort in the familiar routine of life. The consistency and dependability help life feel normal again....

And yet there are still those moments when sadness overwhelms, days I have just ignored the knock at the door as I don't have my 'brave face' on, a song on the radio in the car that will spring tears into my eyes, children singing in primary about the Savior standing nigh which I know and have felt to be true and just fills my whole being or the sounds of a newborn baby crying that just tugs at my heart....maybe they will always be there. 

I have experienced so many tender mercies and overwhelmingly, most have come from the hands and hearts and love of others. And for that I feel immense gratitude. I have been held up and sustained and loved and taken care of and literally it is like being wrapped in a blanket of comfort.

I don't know the reasons why and at first I thought I just had to figure that out....but instead all I feel is love. And for today, it is enough.